I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Randomize
