just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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