Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
