I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
