He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm too high and old for this...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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