It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I party with great urgency now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
