You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
