At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
