I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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