i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
