She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
