the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
