I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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