mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
