Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
