he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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