I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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