i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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