i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
