I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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