playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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