are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
