If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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