everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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