Already got asked if we're dating
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
