what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
