Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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