$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
