I accidentally had phone sex last night
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
