She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
