If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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