Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
