You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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