I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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