there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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