He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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