just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
