Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
