five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
