just tell him i said nine months
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
