Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
