Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
