Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
