I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
