I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
