you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
