I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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