What a fucking waste of an outfit
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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