My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
