never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize