He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
