I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize