remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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