saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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