I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
