it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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