If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
