i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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