Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
