I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
