So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
