never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
