After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The Olympian is in my bed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
