If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize