Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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