so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You took a bar mat shot.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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