Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if only i could text you this smell
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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