Already got asked if we're dating
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
