He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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