Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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