I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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