I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I got inside last night via doggy door
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
