She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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