I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
